Friday Funnies

Friday Funnies

Friday Funnies

Bummer...Summer is officially over!

Today is the last day of summer...Good bye lake, good bye sand toys, good bye sunscreen, good bye sun, good bye otter pops, good bye bathing suits and sandy bottoms, good bye lazy days of summer until we meet again in 9 months!  It was nice and I will miss you!  Well hello, Fall!!!! We've been waiting for you.

Job Requirements for Parents

PARENT - Job Description 

POSITION: 
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION: 

Long term, Team Players Needed, for Challenging,
Permanent Work in an Often Chaotic Environment.

Candidates Must Possess Excellent Communication
and Organizational Skills and be Willing to Work
Variable Hours, which will Include Evenings and Weekends
and Frequent 24-Hour Shifts on-Call.
Some Overnight Travel Required, Including Trips to
Primitive Camping sites on Rainy Weekends and Endless Sports

Tournaments in far away Cities!
Travel expenses not Reimbursed.
Extensive Courier Duties also Required.

RESPONSIBILITIES : 

The Rest of your Life.
Must be willing to be Hated, at Least Temporarily,
until Someone Needs $5.
Must be Willing to Bite Tongue Repeatedly.
Also, must Possess the Physical Stamina of a Pack Mule
and be able to go from Zero to 60 -mph in three Seconds Flat
in Case, this Time, the Screams from
the Backyard are not Someone just Crying Wolf.

Must be willing to face Stimulating Technical Challenges,
Such as Small Gadget Repair, Mysteriously Sluggish Toilets,

and Stuck Zippers.
Must Screen Phone Calls, Maintain Calendars, and
Coordinate Production of Multiple Homework Projects..
Must have Ability to Plan and Organize Social Gatherings
for Clients of all Ages and Mental Outlooks.
Must be willing to be Indispensable One Minute,
an Embarrassment the Next.
Must handle Assembly and Product-Safety-Testing of a
Half Million Cheap, Plastic Toys, and Battery Operated Devices.
Must always Hope for the Best but be Prepared for the Worst..
Must Assume Final, Complete Accountability for
the Quality of the End Product.
Responsibilities also Include Floor Maintenance and
Janitorial Work through out the Facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: 

NONE
Your Job is to Remain in the Same Position for Years,

Without Complaining, Constantly Retraining and Updating your Skills,
So that Those in your Charge can Ultimately Surpass You.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : 

None required, Unfortunately.
On-The-Job Training Offered on a Continually Exhausting Basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: 
Get this:   You Pay Them!
Offering Frequent Raises and Bonuses.
A Balloon Payment is due When they Turn- 18 -Because
of the Assumption that College will Help them
Become Financially Independent.
When you Die, you Give them Whatever is Left.
The Oddest Thing about this Reverse-Salary Scheme is that
you Actually Enjoy it and Wish you Could Only do More!

BENEFITS: 

While no Health or Dental Insurance , No Pension,
No Tuition Reimbursement, No Paid Holidays, and
no Stock Options are Offered,
this Job Supplies Limitless Opportunities for Personal Growth, Unconditional Love,
and Free Hugs and Kisses for Life, if you Play your Cards Right.

And as a Footnote:

THERE 's  NO RETIREMENT ---- EVER!!  

Proud to be a Daddy's Girl

This is my dad.  Max Pearce, Jr.  He was born in Georgia, 1941. 

He was the only child of the woman who would ultimately be the 

best grandmother a child could ever want.

He was the best dad this girl could ever dream of.    

So my dad was 70.  

But no one would have guessed it.  

He was tall, strong and quiet.  

He was honest, sincere and genuine.  

He was funny, handsome and hard working.  

He was an amazing cook, the best tour guide and a wiz with a roll of duct tape.

He was a husband, a father, a father in law, a grandfather, and a friend. 

He was creative, clever and loyal.

He was this girls Dad.

On August 24th, we lost this great man to a very mean and ugly disease...

Cancer. 

 I  HATE you Cancer.  

I HATE that you took my dad from me WAY to early.  

I HATE that you snuck up on us like thief in the night.  

I HATE that you were so quiet, we didn't even know you were there, until it was too late.  

I HATE that because of you my dad won't see his grandkids become great adults.  

I HATE that because of you my stepmom is left feeling lonely because
YOU took away the love of her life.   
I HATE that because of you I have a hole in my heart the size of the earth.

I HATE that because of you I have lost the first man I ever loved,
My dad.

But ya know, Cancer.  There are a lot of things you will NEVER be able to take.

Because in so many ways this apple proudly did not fall far from it's mighty tree: 

Like my dad, I am tall, strong and quiet.  

Like my dad, I am honest, sincere and genuine.  

Like my dad, I am funny, handsome (not so much) and hard working.  

Like my dad, I am becoming an amazing cook, I appreciate all that a good roll of colorful duct tape can do.

Like my dad, I am creative, clever and loyal.

I am proud to be his daughter.

I'll miss you and love you forever, Dad.
Love Always,
 forever your Daddy's Girl,
Kim.

Friday Funnies

Friday Funnies

In Memory of the Worlds Most Gentle Soul- Apache

It is with great sadness that we said good bye to a second beloved family dog in 4 months. Apache came to be with us last year, his time was far too short but the joy he brought us was immeasurable. Connor feels deeply Apache is his guardian angel, I agree, Connor is lucky that he had time with his angel in physical form. Apache will always be with Connor watching out for him. Our hearts are absolutely broken, but we are so thankful for every moment we had with this big, beautiful, gentle soul. We will miss you Apache!!!

Friday Funnies

Friday Funnies

Friday Funnies

Friday Funnies

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common
words.

And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.
7.. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12.. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.

New Online Craft Channel

I have a huge list of quilting, cooking, photography and decorating blogs.  I discovered blogs only a few months ago and I can not tell you how much I have learned especially about photography.  One of my favorites is I Heart Faces.   IHF has some AWESOME tutorials and weekly photography challenges.

This morning IHF announced they will have a new show on My Craft Channel.  My Craft Channel is the first of its kind online TV Craft Network. It goes beyond the simple web “how-to” home video & delivers broadcast quality programming. Over 20 new shows each week there is something for everyone. Top experts, bloggers & craft celebrities in various niches from sewing, painting, scrapbooking, DIY projects, photography, mixed media & more have joined together to bring education to the WEB with TV formatted shows.


I'm so excited because I am a very visual learner and I can't get enough of craft information.  HGTV no longer has their craft shows and there is such a demand.  Check out IHF and My Craft Channel and let's go make something!

Wednesdays Words of Wisdom

"If you can't be kind, be quiet".

I tell my son all the time, it's not what you say, it's how you say it.

Hoochy Fish Swimming in soon

Ok, so I'm so excited.  I've signed up for a fish swap with my favorite group of quilters.  My "water" fabric has arrived and my pattern is in my mail box.  34 Swappers  belong to Mary Lou Weidman's Yahoo Group.  Check out the link for the cutest fish you have ever seen.  I was reading some posts on the group this morning and I think I know what I want to do for my quilt when I get all those amazing fish in the mail.  My husband likes to fly fish. In fly fishing no bait is used, only these fancy, feathered and shiny lures. Whenever he is fly fishing with me, I've never seen him catch anything. So I always tease him and tell him "Put a worm of the end of that thing and you might catch something". I think I'll do a quilt with me holding a fishing pole that looks like a stick with a fish on the end, a pile of fish next to me and a bucket of worms and maybe him with his fancy fly fishing pole in the middle of a lake.  Will post pictures as soon as I get some blocks done ;-)

Friday Funnies

Small town living at its best

No I have not always been a mountain girl.  I grew up in Torrance, CA.  A big city.  Moved to Orange County when I got married, another big city.  Mr. Ranger used to be Mr. Helicopter Mechanic.  He decided enough of that malarky and went to Ranger School -actually a police academy-yup, he carries a gun...don't come camping at his lake and ask him where his "pic-a-nic basket" is, he might pull the gun on ya.-Rangers don't think that's funny-poor sense of humor some of them.

Anyhoo, sorry, I digress.  So every year on the weekend of 4th of July our town has Jamboree Days and fireworks over Lake Gregory.  It was big 10 years ago then got pretty small as the economy tanked and the chamber has worked really hard to bring it back.  There is a parade every year.  It is so hokie, small town, but I tell you I LOOOOVE IT.  It is patriotic, everyone comes out, you can't walk 50 feet without seeing someone you know.  It's just plain cute and it makes me all misty eyed when I see the firemen and rescue groups, little league kids and veterans all marching in the parade.  I think next year, I'm going to have the PTA in the parade with a bunch of students.
Won't that be fun.

My bff, Dawn.  We are both mountain girls...
except we shave our legs and we still have all our teeth...for now ;-)

Boo Boo and his cousin, the Moose.

My Peeps: Boo Boo, the Diva, The Moose and Yogi watching the parade and 

catching candy flying through the crowd.

It wouldn't be a hokie mountain parade without Capt. America.

Happy 4th of July. God Bless America.

Wednesdays Words of Wisdom

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...It's probably a duck.

Wednesdays Words of Wisdom

If you put a silk dress on a goat he is a goat still.