Friday Funnies

Friday Funnies

Bummer...Summer is officially over!

Today is the last day of summer...Good bye lake, good bye sand toys, good bye sunscreen, good bye sun, good bye otter pops, good bye bathing suits and sandy bottoms, good bye lazy days of summer until we meet again in 9 months!  It was nice and I will miss you!  Well hello, Fall!!!! We've been waiting for you.

Job Requirements for Parents

PARENT - Job Description 

POSITION: 
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION: 

Long term, Team Players Needed, for Challenging,
Permanent Work in an Often Chaotic Environment.

Candidates Must Possess Excellent Communication
and Organizational Skills and be Willing to Work
Variable Hours, which will Include Evenings and Weekends
and Frequent 24-Hour Shifts on-Call.
Some Overnight Travel Required, Including Trips to
Primitive Camping sites on Rainy Weekends and Endless Sports

Tournaments in far away Cities!
Travel expenses not Reimbursed.
Extensive Courier Duties also Required.

RESPONSIBILITIES : 

The Rest of your Life.
Must be willing to be Hated, at Least Temporarily,
until Someone Needs $5.
Must be Willing to Bite Tongue Repeatedly.
Also, must Possess the Physical Stamina of a Pack Mule
and be able to go from Zero to 60 -mph in three Seconds Flat
in Case, this Time, the Screams from
the Backyard are not Someone just Crying Wolf.

Must be willing to face Stimulating Technical Challenges,
Such as Small Gadget Repair, Mysteriously Sluggish Toilets,

and Stuck Zippers.
Must Screen Phone Calls, Maintain Calendars, and
Coordinate Production of Multiple Homework Projects..
Must have Ability to Plan and Organize Social Gatherings
for Clients of all Ages and Mental Outlooks.
Must be willing to be Indispensable One Minute,
an Embarrassment the Next.
Must handle Assembly and Product-Safety-Testing of a
Half Million Cheap, Plastic Toys, and Battery Operated Devices.
Must always Hope for the Best but be Prepared for the Worst..
Must Assume Final, Complete Accountability for
the Quality of the End Product.
Responsibilities also Include Floor Maintenance and
Janitorial Work through out the Facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: 

NONE
Your Job is to Remain in the Same Position for Years,

Without Complaining, Constantly Retraining and Updating your Skills,
So that Those in your Charge can Ultimately Surpass You.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : 

None required, Unfortunately.
On-The-Job Training Offered on a Continually Exhausting Basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: 
Get this:   You Pay Them!
Offering Frequent Raises and Bonuses.
A Balloon Payment is due When they Turn- 18 -Because
of the Assumption that College will Help them
Become Financially Independent.
When you Die, you Give them Whatever is Left.
The Oddest Thing about this Reverse-Salary Scheme is that
you Actually Enjoy it and Wish you Could Only do More!

BENEFITS: 

While no Health or Dental Insurance , No Pension,
No Tuition Reimbursement, No Paid Holidays, and
no Stock Options are Offered,
this Job Supplies Limitless Opportunities for Personal Growth, Unconditional Love,
and Free Hugs and Kisses for Life, if you Play your Cards Right.

And as a Footnote:

THERE 's  NO RETIREMENT ---- EVER!!  

Proud to be a Daddy's Girl

This is my dad.  Max Pearce, Jr.  He was born in Georgia, 1941. 

He was the only child of the woman who would ultimately be the 

best grandmother a child could ever want.

He was the best dad this girl could ever dream of.    

So my dad was 70.  

But no one would have guessed it.  

He was tall, strong and quiet.  

He was honest, sincere and genuine.  

He was funny, handsome and hard working.  

He was an amazing cook, the best tour guide and a wiz with a roll of duct tape.

He was a husband, a father, a father in law, a grandfather, and a friend. 

He was creative, clever and loyal.

He was this girls Dad.

On August 24th, we lost this great man to a very mean and ugly disease...

Cancer. 

 I  HATE you Cancer.  

I HATE that you took my dad from me WAY to early.  

I HATE that you snuck up on us like thief in the night.  

I HATE that you were so quiet, we didn't even know you were there, until it was too late.  

I HATE that because of you my dad won't see his grandkids become great adults.  

I HATE that because of you my stepmom is left feeling lonely because
YOU took away the love of her life.   
I HATE that because of you I have a hole in my heart the size of the earth.

I HATE that because of you I have lost the first man I ever loved,
My dad.

But ya know, Cancer.  There are a lot of things you will NEVER be able to take.

Because in so many ways this apple proudly did not fall far from it's mighty tree: 

Like my dad, I am tall, strong and quiet.  

Like my dad, I am honest, sincere and genuine.  

Like my dad, I am funny, handsome (not so much) and hard working.  

Like my dad, I am becoming an amazing cook, I appreciate all that a good roll of colorful duct tape can do.

Like my dad, I am creative, clever and loyal.

I am proud to be his daughter.

I'll miss you and love you forever, Dad.
Love Always,
 forever your Daddy's Girl,
Kim.

Friday Funnies