Friday Funnies

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common
words.

And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.
7.. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12.. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.

New Online Craft Channel

I have a huge list of quilting, cooking, photography and decorating blogs.  I discovered blogs only a few months ago and I can not tell you how much I have learned especially about photography.  One of my favorites is I Heart Faces.   IHF has some AWESOME tutorials and weekly photography challenges.

This morning IHF announced they will have a new show on My Craft Channel.  My Craft Channel is the first of its kind online TV Craft Network. It goes beyond the simple web “how-to” home video & delivers broadcast quality programming. Over 20 new shows each week there is something for everyone. Top experts, bloggers & craft celebrities in various niches from sewing, painting, scrapbooking, DIY projects, photography, mixed media & more have joined together to bring education to the WEB with TV formatted shows.


I'm so excited because I am a very visual learner and I can't get enough of craft information.  HGTV no longer has their craft shows and there is such a demand.  Check out IHF and My Craft Channel and let's go make something!

Wednesdays Words of Wisdom

"If you can't be kind, be quiet".

I tell my son all the time, it's not what you say, it's how you say it.

Hoochy Fish Swimming in soon

Ok, so I'm so excited.  I've signed up for a fish swap with my favorite group of quilters.  My "water" fabric has arrived and my pattern is in my mail box.  34 Swappers  belong to Mary Lou Weidman's Yahoo Group.  Check out the link for the cutest fish you have ever seen.  I was reading some posts on the group this morning and I think I know what I want to do for my quilt when I get all those amazing fish in the mail.  My husband likes to fly fish. In fly fishing no bait is used, only these fancy, feathered and shiny lures. Whenever he is fly fishing with me, I've never seen him catch anything. So I always tease him and tell him "Put a worm of the end of that thing and you might catch something". I think I'll do a quilt with me holding a fishing pole that looks like a stick with a fish on the end, a pile of fish next to me and a bucket of worms and maybe him with his fancy fly fishing pole in the middle of a lake.  Will post pictures as soon as I get some blocks done ;-)

Friday Funnies

Small town living at its best

No I have not always been a mountain girl.  I grew up in Torrance, CA.  A big city.  Moved to Orange County when I got married, another big city.  Mr. Ranger used to be Mr. Helicopter Mechanic.  He decided enough of that malarky and went to Ranger School -actually a police academy-yup, he carries a gun...don't come camping at his lake and ask him where his "pic-a-nic basket" is, he might pull the gun on ya.-Rangers don't think that's funny-poor sense of humor some of them.

Anyhoo, sorry, I digress.  So every year on the weekend of 4th of July our town has Jamboree Days and fireworks over Lake Gregory.  It was big 10 years ago then got pretty small as the economy tanked and the chamber has worked really hard to bring it back.  There is a parade every year.  It is so hokie, small town, but I tell you I LOOOOVE IT.  It is patriotic, everyone comes out, you can't walk 50 feet without seeing someone you know.  It's just plain cute and it makes me all misty eyed when I see the firemen and rescue groups, little league kids and veterans all marching in the parade.  I think next year, I'm going to have the PTA in the parade with a bunch of students.
Won't that be fun.

My bff, Dawn.  We are both mountain girls...
except we shave our legs and we still have all our teeth...for now ;-)

Boo Boo and his cousin, the Moose.

My Peeps: Boo Boo, the Diva, The Moose and Yogi watching the parade and 

catching candy flying through the crowd.

It wouldn't be a hokie mountain parade without Capt. America.

Happy 4th of July. God Bless America.